Monday, 21 December 2009


I have to get a bus to Callington.

This in itself isn't stressful, however, despite the family almost moving there at one point, i still have no idea at which point i have to press the bell, coz you have to press it a bit before you want it to stop don't you?

I'm going to Callington to see Greg. He hasn't been in town for a while (lack of funds i believe) and I have to give him his rock before christmas. Plus I miss him n all that jazz.

Also yay christmas :)

i'm concerned about my pain clinic appointment tomorrow :S coz i know how these things go. They'll think i'm perfectly able to wait another 3 months or something for help.
But i'm not.
as the doctor said "when you've had this for 2 1/2 years, a month is quite a short time" to which i replied "not when it's getting worse"
to which i still fully agree (of course i do, i said it)
and 1/2/3 months is quite a long time when i have to miss my lessons with alarming frequency, because i simply can't move.
sometimes it isnt too bad.
sometimes its dreadful.
the rest of the time its inbetween.
but its always there.

people say i'm being negative because i know it's going to be dreadful at a point in the future. thats unfair. i tell them i'm being realistic. they continue saying im being negative. its uncalled for really... as much as i hate to say it, they don;t know what its like (and that phrase makes my skin crawl, it just sounds like an excuse) and i can see how they might see it as negative. because to someone who rarely sees physical pain, saying that i'm going to be in unbearable pain for a few days soon might seem negative. however, for someone living in constant pain, its just a fact of life like sleeping or eating.

at some point in the future i will sleep, followed by eating.
at some point in the future i will be practically incapacitated by pain, followed by improvement where i can bear to walk to the co-op and back.

they're the same to me.

sorry if that's negative, but maybe you need to live it to know it.

i dont dislike people giving me advice on my problems. i dont mind people trying to help. i don't mind slight patronisation, because i know theyre trying to help.
what i do mind, is people telling me how im coping wrong, and i'm not doing it good enough, and how i should be doing it, without them even knowing what one of my good days feels like.

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